Friday, February 03, 2006

1992...


The year 'it all' happened.

Got. Swap. Got...


I'll swap you five Daves for one Annie.

Smooth...


Here's one of Neil's reviews;
ELTON JOHN: I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues (Rocket)
An old-fashioned, predictable weepie which is I guess why they called in Stevie Wonder to liven it up with his harmonica. I think Elton John ought to buck up his ideas: this isn't very inspired and I bet he knows it.

The hottest guest reviewers...

What H and Claire look like now...


Only joking! It's Vince and Alf from 1982 (two years after God made Estelle).

Spot the Pet Shop Boy...


Woo! Yay!

Don't let designers review albums...


Five out of five and nary a piglet in sight.

Milli Vanilli - always good value...


Girl, you know it's true.

Airbrushing is a wonderful thing...


It can get rid of spots, facial hair and even spaghetti. Just ask Tweedy.

S Club 8...


Not to be confused with 808 State, MN8 or Altern8.

Worst band ever in Smash Hits™ - part 5


La Bouche? Don't ask me, I was there when this was done and I don't remember them.

Print it out and wrap your exercise book in it...

Is Wendy James the new Kylie Minogue?


Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Another corking song lyric...


And this was before any of your fancy computers, mind.

Now that's what I call music...

The biggest competitions...

A typical Songwords Card...


This will be hit number...2. Yeah right!

Worst band ever in Smash Hits™ - part 4


V. There were five of them, they were Roman. Except they weren't.

Smile, it's The Cure...


Ignore the fact that lead singer Robert Smith is a dead ringer for Jo Brand - if you like any of the 'modern' American bands then give them a listen. They're tunetastic.

Next year's BIg Brother anyone?


For those of you in your teens or twenties, yes that is the same Pete Burns. Honest!

Stock, Aitken and Waterman...


Plus! Bonus Pete Waterman lookey-likey. Suits you.

Vanilla Ice gives one to Madonna...


Instead, here's a picture of him handing her a Smash Hits Award.

Spot the fella...

What reviews used to look like...

Britpop, schmitpop...


We had 'em all! Blur, Oasis, Pulp... even The Bluetones!

They don't make 'em like that any more...


Try getting that on your iPod.

Children behave...


Repeat last four lines to fade.

Smash Hits does LIve Aid...






Where do you keep yours?


Marky Mark keeps his Smash Hits Award on a urinal.
Now that's taking the piss.

What do you mean, pop bands used to be ugly?


The Professionals. Steve Jones and Paul Cook from the Sex Pistols. And Chewbacca's uncle.

Boyzone's secret diaries...


Fancy a stab at the secret that wasn't revealed...

T'Pau on t'cover


Anyone else think that Carol Decker and Gillian McKeith lookey-a-likey?

Worst band ever in Smash Hits™ - part 3


Seona Dancing anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Q: Would it worry you if people compared you to Rachel Stevens?


A: Yeah!

Ooh, get you, your momma too...


...and your daddy.

S'Hits circa 1979. The year before God made Estelle.

Brrrr, it's Tears For Fears!


Roland the red-nosed popstar, had a very shiny... Curt.

Stars and their pets


This issue: Dougie McFly's lizard!
Next issue: Peter Andre's cock!

Before Panini was a fancy bap...

Worst band ever in Smash Hits™ - part 2


For those of you who don't recognise them - it's Information Society!
Bizarrely the female lead singer had left the day before the interview was done.

Smash Hits pre-empts Zoo by years with controversial Bush shot on cover...

Ah, the '86. A fine vintage...

Worst band ever in Smash Hits™ - part 1


Oh phukk, it's Phixx.

The 26 word review...

The Biscuit Tin versus H from Steps


What's your favourite drink?
Milkshake. I don't like the ones made with ice-cream though, 'cos they give me a headache. I like the ones that are made with real strawberries. They're yummy!